Tips for Bloggers

:en:Jean François de Troy, The Oyster Lunch, 1...
  1. No-one gives a rat’s ass what you think
  2. Try not to console yourself about point 1 with ‘well, I just write for myself’. Because the ‘I’ in that sentence probably isn’t who you think it is.
  3. Remember that when you’re writing passionately about how unhappy you are with your political leaders, and how oh! we need change in this country! they – the people you want to take over- are probably laughing at you and yours over champagne and suckling pig, plotting even more misery.
  4. Keep it simple, mainly by not writing anything.
  5. Don’t endlessly obsess about the quality of your writing. See point 1.
  6. Most blogs come to an end. Make sure you’re ahead of the pack on this!
  7. You know those sunny bloggers who talk earnestly about the dangers of posting potentially libellous content? They’re laughing. Mainly at you. I say get your own back.
  8. Page stats schmage schtats. In the Real of blogging, page stats matter, they’re an authentic measure of authority and popularity and respect. But you’re not in the Real of blogging. You’re in the imaginary. See point 2.
  9. If you want to test if something you have written is funny or not, force yourself to laugh at it. If you get a real giggle as a result, it’s probably jaw-shatteringly hilarious.
  10. Try to use ‘but hey’ at least fifty times in every post.

8 Responses to “Tips for Bloggers”

  1. 1 Mark Dennehy March 5, 2009 at 1:38 pm

    See, thing is, you’re wrong with point 1 – some blogs are critical, though not always for the reason everyone’s looking at.

    For example, I’m a computer engineer. Most of my work is done under NDA, so when I go for interviews, I can’t haul out a portfolio and show them what I last did. Nor can I send in anything with my CV to help them decide to call me for interview in the first place.

    With my blog, however, I can post up the bits of my work that aren’t NDA’d, as well as any side projects I do, and that sort of thing. It acts as an adjunct to my CV. And it’s gotten me work in the past.

  2. 2 Hugh Green March 5, 2009 at 1:48 pm

    Hi Mark,

    See, thing is, you’re wrong about the bit that this post has anything to do with the real world.

  3. 3 Mark Dennehy March 5, 2009 at 1:50 pm

    It’s pretty damn real when the rent’s due…

  4. 4 Hugh Green March 5, 2009 at 2:26 pm

    Dude, I appreciate being taken seriously, but sometimes there’s really no need, y’know?

  5. 5 lolarusa March 6, 2009 at 3:38 am

    I like the oyster picture. I like lots blogs with lots of pictures. But hey, doesn’t everyone?

  6. 6 Longman Oz March 6, 2009 at 8:01 am

    Looking at how short your article is, the use of numbering, and not having too many long words, you seem to be making some good points. Ever consider writing a guidebook to blogging? Not that I would ever be bothered reading it, of course.

  7. 7 Hugh Green March 6, 2009 at 10:16 am


    But hey, doesn’t everyone?

    So it seems, o ‘Guardian Best of The Web’ blogger!

    Longman Oz,

    I just considered it a second ago, and whilst I agree with you that yes, it would probably be the best book ever written, I don’t want to draw too much attention to myself.

  8. 8 Seán Báite March 6, 2009 at 1:39 pm

    Too late Mr. Green – we’ve already passed on your draft of the first chapter to the ‘Idiot’s Guide’ people…
    Expect that contract in the post even before your taxes go up

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