The Lazy Native Comes Home

They preferred immigrants because they were more reliable, were willing to work hard and were motivated and keen compared with British workers.

Immigrants are:

  • Overjoyed to have escaped the world of Ladas and cabbages for good that they work out of pure gratitude;
  • Wide-eyed at the sheer breadth of opportunity this pleasant land has to offer;
  • Wise enough to realise that hard work pays;
  • A breath of fresh air;
  • A servant class worthy of the name.

British are:

  • Slumped in front of Jeremy Kyle drinking vodka and coke, sitting atop half a Findus crispy pancake;
  • Dumbed down wretches whose ‘those-who-can’t’ bog standard comprehensive teachers never taught them the inherent dignity of working in a call centre or cleaning toilets;
  • Indolent, slovenly, X-factor obsessed shitehawks;
  • An eternally ungrateful collection of bothersome swine with ideas above their station

What is lost is:

  • If you think your home country is nice, wage differentials mean that it makes good sense to go and earn 3, 4 times your salary in Britain doing some menial job for a few years. You can then return loaded, to the astonishment and pride of your friends and relatives. A Brit who wanted to do this would have to go and work as an accountant in Bermuda or something. Not really an option these days for British farm and catering workers.
  • The ability to send remittances to family is also a motivator.
  • Immigrant workers are more likely to work longer hours, because they are less likely to have a family to support
  • Immigrant workers are initially less bothered by the status of certain jobs. Unconcerned by these considerations, employers are grateful to immigrants for restoring the dignity inherent in asking if you want fries with that.
  • If you’re working in another country, even the most menial and shitty of jobs can be more stimulating: you learn a new language, you get to know people from different places, and you can accumulate a load of stories to tell people when you decide to head home.

So, if you want to maximise your native British employees’ productivity, a good first step would be to deport their families to Turkmenistan and tell the workers that they’ll eventually be joining them once there is no longer any work.

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1 Response to “The Lazy Native Comes Home”


  1. 1 pat October 30, 2007 at 4:45 pm

    very good. i agree


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