Archive for September 12th, 2006

Walford Crap

Eastenders gets worse with every episode. To bring you up to date, Billy Mitchell’s new wife Honey, a grim amalgam of a younger Una Stubbs (who, to complicate matters, now appears in the show as Honey’s aunt) and a blow-up doll, has given birth to a child with Down’s Syndrome, and is finding it very difficult to come to terms with the fact. Last night, as Honey abandoned her baby in the hospital to go home for a night watching Only Fools and Horses, Billy got stuck on the tube as he headed home in hot pursuit.

The ensuing scenes were perhaps the worst I have ever watched in any soap, and I remember the Neighbours episode when Bouncer the Labrador had a psychedelic dream. From where I was sitting, it seemed as though the scriptwriters had received a directive ‘to write something for September 11th’, and since one of them had been stuck on the tube that morning reading the Metro of the guy opposite, they decided to use that as their starting point.

Impatiently waiting for the train to move, Billy got increasingly agitated. After a bit of class-based ‘this country’s gone to the dogs’ analysis, he was admonished by a kindly geezer in a suit that getting a bit aggro on the tube is simply not the done thing on September 11th in Britain, because apparently that’s the day when people sit glumly on the tube thinking about September 11th, rather than every other day of the year, when they simply sit glumly.

Dreadful.

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