Beastly Muzak

So what’s the worst hold music you’ve ever heard? I’ve just been onto a well-known furniture retailer who had a pan-pipe version of ‘Beauty and The Beast’ playing.

Years ago I worked in a supermarket that used to pipe special made-for-Supermarket versions of well known songs. There were many ghastly moments, not least a version of The Candyman, which must have provided the inspiration for the FBI’s Operation Candyman.

Perhaps the worst one, though, was a version of Barry Manilow’s I Write The Songs (though Manilow didn’t actually write it).

The voice was a passable imitation of Manilow himself, but it was sung in the style of a man who had just woken up in a bath of ice to discover he was one kidney short.

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