Archive for September 18th, 2005

Tennents, Text and Tamagotchis

If there were a list of rules for blogging, number one would be: don’t drink and blog. The witty and urbane raconteur in the pub after 4 pints and a Beefeater and tonic risks becoming an incomprehensible bore if he chooses to return to his lodgings and start tapping out unfettered thoughts on his textual tamagotchi.

With this in mind (but not for long), here, for your delectation, is a brief catalogue of the issues covered in tonight’s talkativeness

1. Intelligent design (where did you get dem bones?)
2. The volume of Lithuanian workers in County Armagh.
3. Turkish-German Crackheads in Oslo
4. Drug dealers from Egypt who pull Bowie knives in discos.
5. Acute pancreatitis (no, don’t worry, I feel fine)
6. James Blunt (my mother knows he was in the Army, even though her general knowledge of popular musical biography is very limited. Has the Iraq war aided sales of his records? At any rate, his music is truly vile.)
7. Why we hate John Terry
8. The mutation of Jefferson Airplane into Starship
9. The cheap potency of Bon Jovi
10. Consanguinuity and its discontents
11. Why it would be unreasonable to think that JFK’s assassination was anything other than the result of a conspiracy
12. Spongebob and Sparepants
13. The number of people left in the world with the surname ‘Hitler’
14. Gabriel Heinze’s anterior cruciate ligament
15. Maddox
16. The price of beer, and why it has nothing to do with alcoholism
17. The fish called Marlin
18. Last night’s Ulster Orchestra concert in the Waterfront Hall
19. Churchill, Roosevelt and Stalin, and why sitting outside in winter drinking under the cover of reindeer hide blankets is a top idea.
20. Trilby Hats and their origin. (Read Author, Author by David Lodge for more)
21. Shaun of the Dead, and especially the scene where the assembled zombie hordes crowd round the bar, arms outstretched, moaning and wailing. From what was seen tonight, life imitates art.
22. The complicity of well-known corporations in incinerating innocents
23. Navan Fort, Cuchulainn and Buckfast
24. The price of beer in Northern Ireland (again)
25. The awfulness of Bette Davis Eyes

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September 2005