Your Query Is Important To Us. Please Hold.

ID cards are a bit of a concern these days for Britishers. Many people worry about the potential for abuse of the information they hold, and the scope for intrusion into private lives.

But what is the potential for abuse? Supposing I had access to the National Identity database, and a couple of lazy afternoons to kill at work, what sort of queries would I write?

I have taken some liberties in imagining some of the other data sources that are available to the government. Here are a few, in line with my own interests:

Health

select subject_name, prescribed_medication, prescribed_dose
from nhs_patient_register npr join national_identity_database nidb on nhs.patient_name = nidb.subject_name
where nidb.profession like ‘Politics’
and nhs.prescribed_medication like ‘Viagra’
and nhs.prescription_reason like ‘%5%Times%A%Night’

Northern Ireland Politics

select subject_name, contact_details, regular_drinking_haunt
from national_identity_card_database
where profession like ‘All%Body%Masseur’
and city_of_residence like ‘Belfast’
and eyes in (‘Blue’,’Dark Brown’)
and height > ‘180’

Arts and Entertainment

select
film_name, subject_name
from digital_porn_pictures spp join
national_identity_database nidb on
dpp.buyer = nidb.subject_name
where dpp.purchasedate between ‘2005-01-01’ and ‘2005-04-30’
and nidb.profession like ‘Royal’
and dpp.category in (‘Gay’,’Animal’)

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